A Letter to Canada

Busan :

Hello, and congratulations!
 
I hear you’re having another election.  I’m so excited.  Will it
be a girl or a boy this time?  A conservative or a really conservative?
Oh, Canada, you’re so fertile, turning out representative democracy
at a scale that makes us, your neighbors to the south, blush with envy.  ^^
 
I do have to say, I don’t know WHAT to get you, though.  I mean,
you just had an election and I got you that nice sweater set, and now a no-confidence vote?  Anything to get that hot voter-on-poll action you’re so fond of, right?&n

Hello, and congratulations!
 
I hear you’re having another election.  I’m so excited.  Will it
be a girl or a boy this time?  A conservative or a really conservative?
Oh, Canada, you’re so fertile, turning out representative democracy
at a scale that makes us, your neighbors to the south, blush with envy.  ^^
 
I do have to say, I don’t know WHAT to get you, though.  I mean,
you just had an election and I got you that nice sweater set, and now a no-confidence vote?  Anything to get that hot voter-on-poll action you’re so fond of, right?  Although, Canada, I do have to admit, I’ve noticed you have a certain…preference for multiple partners.  I know you promise to be loyal, but it seems you just can’t keep a prime minister in the house long enough to learn
his name.  Sigh…I know it’s hard to commit, being that you’re a young
country, and there are so many attractive options out there, but what’s
wrong with that nice Stephen Harper boy?  He’s so clean-cut and well-groomed, and he goes to church every Sunday.  Now that’s a prime minister worthy of
a commitment, isn’t it?  
 
You know, Canada, if you keep playing the field like this you’re going
to be left without a partner after a while.  You might get a reputation for
being a…fast…first-world democracy, and no nice prime minister likes a 
country like that.  I know you’re proud of your…taut, proud softwood forests,
and your….well, you know, your….heaving, ample natural gas reserves,
but believe me, those prime ministers are only after you for your body,
and after that’s gone, well who are you going to have?  Who loves you
for who you are, Canada?  Me!  Me, that’s who!  

 
Well, I suppose you know your late-night no-confidence vote shenanigans
have gotten out, and everyone’s talking about it.  There’s even a play-by-play
up here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_federal_election,_2011
 
Just try to be faithful this time, Canada, whoever you choose.  Remember
nobody’s perfect.  Didn’t you use to say nobody had ever, um, loved you the way
Stephen Harper had?  Don’t you want to keep that loving attention?  Well,
I guess not, although you can always call him.  You have his number.
 
Take care, Canada.  I just want what’s best for you.
 
Your friend, 
 
-America



Leave a Comment