checks and balances

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For me, feeling settled involves a routine (and it has taken a month for me to establish one that suits me in Toronto). Between juggling my post grad studies, a part time job and reconnecting with friends and family…catching enough shut eye is the least of my concerns. I’m sure like most of you, my mind rarely turns off. Many a night, I find myself hunkering through my mental to do list. Unfortunately my bedside goodie drawer holds a stack of post its and a pen to capture my midnight brainwaves…

For me, feeling settled involves a routine (and it has taken a month for me to establish one that suits me in Toronto). Between juggling my post grad studies, a part time job and reconnecting with friends and family…catching enough shut eye is the least of my concerns. I’m sure like most of you, my mind rarely turns off. Many a night, I find myself hunkering through my mental to do list. Unfortunately my bedside goodie drawer holds a stack of post its and a pen to capture my midnight brainwaves…
I was surprised to learn, that compared to my classmates I’ve only been out of the academic world for a short while. Many have spent extensive time in the developing world working in their personal areas of interest. Impressed by their first hand experiences, I can’t help but feel a little behind the eight ball. Nonetheless, our Profs have assured us that regardless of our backgrounds, over the course of the year, we will obtain the necessary skills to write: persuasive grant proposals, create realistic budgets and gain the practical knowledge to run our own field project. I can’t help but gawk at these promises, alas, statistics from last years graduates are proof! It is a very real possibility that I will be writing to you from Brazil next fall.
Its clear that currently I am in a state of flux: trying to live in the present, plan for the future and remember the fabulous memories that encapsulate my past. Because, I’ve written several times about how much I value relationships, you can probably also assume that I find compartmentalizing the bonds I forged in Busan, challenging. These people fed my soul for a year and nurturing my old roots in Toronto without them feels unnatural now. What I have had to realize is, that like all things in life, you get back what you put in. Therefore, all I can do is love them from afar and welcome them back into my physical present when our paths cross again. 
Between listening to your gut, your heart and your head – a girl is bound to get confused! What you have to remember is, that even if you do, some of the best lessons are learned when you are piecing yourself back together after a ‘fml’ moment. So lift your head out of your hands, open your glassy eyes and take a look at the other nutters around you, you’re not alone.
together, but different


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