Drink Drink Drink and Be Ill Tonight

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Happy Bastille Day.

I love the French. I do. They know how to enjoy life – they get down with serious food, wine, and general chillment/relaxation that is only dreamt about in America. They also are obstinate and will put their shit on the line for an ideal. Some of them are very liberal (which is awesome), sometimes too liberal (which can chafe sacks), but guess what? There are still some (maybe many) French who are just slightly to the left of Himmler. Perhaps the existence of real fascists in France causes a reaction. Perhaps they have a real and tangible history with the said -ism.

Happy Bastille Day.

I love the French. I do. They know how to enjoy life – they get down with serious food, wine, and general chillment/relaxation that is only dreamt about in America. They also are obstinate and will put their shit on the line for an ideal. Some of them are very liberal (which is awesome), sometimes too liberal (which can chafe sacks), but guess what? There are still some (maybe many) French who are just slightly to the left of Himmler. Perhaps the existence of real fascists in France causes a reaction. Perhaps they have a real and tangible history with the said -ism.

But France intellectually laid the groundwork for the founding of America. They also supplied the troops and navy to really get the job done. Yeah, without us, they’d be speaking German. But without them, we’d be spelling color with a “u.” Remember this, all of you knee-jerk patriots who busily chowed down your “freedom fries” while deriding the French during GULF WAR II: without THEM there wouldn’t be an US, or U.S. And, by the way, like our Canadian friends, they were right in sitting out this whole Iraq clusterfuck. If only the British could say the same…

I love France because I like long vacations and plenty of drink. I love France because they birthed Moliere’ – with whom I share a birthday – who took the piss harder than any Englishman of his day DARED. He laid the groundwork for mocking hypocrisy and pumping out proper satire. He killed everyone, and his plays are still produced globally, and almost always kill WAY HARDER than Shakespeare. Shakespeare’s tragedies and histories are genius, but Moliere’s plays are straight up WAY FUNNIER than the best of Shakespeare’s comedies. They just get more laughs today. They’re more relevant.

I say this only as a far away fan. I’ve only visited France once, and that was in transit. I probably spent one hundred minutes total in the country – on the way there, and back. I took the Dover-Calais ferry and was greeted by a frowning moustachioed man in a foreign-legion cap. I still got my stamp and continued on a bus through the Gallic Nation, until I reached the great flatlands of Belgium.

But France is important, as fucked up as it is. They set a certain bar for the West, and I should think that we can learn a thing or two from them.

July 14th also happens to be a certain ex’s birthday. She is most definitely NOT French, and here is my present to her:



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