New hagwon offering everything parents want

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It sounds like a parents dream: a chain of hagwon deeply interested in everything parents want.

“Of course we’re a school,” Kim Jun Hwa, the founder of English Power Worldwide (EPW) Academy. “EPW was founded on providing exactly what the parents want – nothing more, nothing less. In fact, another meaning of EPW is Everything Parents Want. If they want it, we do it.”

The popular hagwon chain currently has 191 branches open across Korea, with 129 of them across Seoul. “We’ve initiated a plan to have 1,000 branches open by the beginning of 2012. So what if the Mayans think it’s the end of the world? Our world is just starting,” says Kim.

Much like other hagwon, or private schooling, the academies offer a variety of classes, but the main focus is on learning English and using it in daily conversation. To that end, EPW has developed an unusual schedule.

It sounds like a parents dream: a chain of hagwon deeply interested in everything parents want.

“Of course we’re a school,” Kim Jun Hwa, the founder of English Power Worldwide (EPW) Academy. “EPW was founded on providing exactly what the parents want – nothing more, nothing less. In fact, another meaning of EPW is Everything Parents Want. If they want it, we do it.”

The popular hagwon chain currently has 191 branches open across Korea, with 129 of them across Seoul. “We’ve initiated a plan to have 1,000 branches open by the beginning of 2012. So what if the Mayans think it’s the end of the world? Our world is just starting,” says Kim.

Much like other hagwon, or private schooling, the academies offer a variety of classes, but the main focus is on learning English and using it in daily conversation. To that end, EPW has developed an unusual schedule.

“We expect the kids at our academy at 8am. We’ll keep them here until 6pm. That’s just the kindergartners – for the elementary schoolers, the program goes until 10pm. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the best educational purpose – it’s what parents want.”

Apparently, parents have initiated some unusual requests. “They’ve requested that our foreign teachers wear name tags – apparently they think that foreigners just wander off the Korean streets to take Korean kids from the school. Also, they’ve asked that fat foreigners be required to enroll in an exercise program to keep them skinny. Because that’s totally relevant to teaching kids, you know.”

When asked about their foreign teachers at their schools, Kim responded: “What about them? They do whatever we tell them to do. We control the apartment they live in, their legal right to live in Korea, and their job prospects! Besides, it’s not like they’re real teachers – we don’t pay enough to attract the licensed and qualified teachers the parents think we employ. As long as their foreign faces keep attracting parents money, they’re good for us.”

Since parents are the ones fronting the money for this type of private education, schools are obligated to keep them happy. “At EPW, we give tests daily, but all of our students get A’s. We employ several dozen people to call parents hourly – not weekly or monthly like other hagwon!to let them know what their child has learned. At the rate some of these six-year olds go, they’ll be ready for Quantum Mechanics in about [looks at watch] two weeks!”

When this reporter asked how much a child can actually learn in one hour, Kim responded with a sly, “how much do you want them to learn? We’ll tell you they’ve learned more. So what if they can’t actually form a correct English sentence after six years at our school? You’ll feel great after bragging to other parents!”

This post is completely satirical. Any similiarities to actual people or businesses is accidental and completely unintended, though it would be kinda scary.

Creative Commons License © Chris Backe – 2010

This post was originally published on my blog, Chris in South Korea. If you are reading this on another website and there is no linkback or credit given, you are reading an UNAUTHORIZED FEED.



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