Why is Jesus Wearing Hockey Pads?

:

On the way out my friend’s door last night I noticed picture taped to the door. The dog ear on the upper left corner was drooping so much that it covered half of the drawing, indicating that it had been hanging there for a while. Despite spending most of my Monday evenings in that apartment, watching trashy TV programs, I hadn’t noticed it before. Or perhaps I previously noted and had since forgot; This seems more likely.

The drawing was made on white printer paper with a single blood-red marker. A lonely stick-man was depicted, in a scene that looked suspiciously like the crucifixion. He hung from a single plank of wood, which his arms were spread out on. Blood gushed from the stick-man’s arms and fell into pools below him. Large rectangular objects appeared to be attached to his legs – This part didn’t quite fit.

"Uh…. why?" I pointed at it.
"A student gave it to me. I … don’t know."

On the way out my friend’s door last night I noticed picture taped to the door. The dog ear on the upper left corner was drooping so much that it covered half of the drawing, indicating that it had been hanging there for a while. Despite spending most of my Monday evenings in that apartment, watching trashy TV programs, I hadn’t noticed it before. Or perhaps I previously noted and had since forgot; This seems more likely.

The drawing was made on white printer paper with a single blood-red marker. A lonely stick-man was depicted, in a scene that looked suspiciously like the crucifixion. He hung from a single plank of wood, which his arms were spread out on. Blood gushed from the stick-man’s arms and fell into pools below him. Large rectangular objects appeared to be attached to his legs – This part didn’t quite fit.

"Uh…. why?" I pointed at it.
"A student gave it to me. I … don’t know."
"You didn’t ask him for an explanation?"
"I’d really rather not know," the proud owner of the piece explained.
"It looks like the crucifixion of Jesus, except this time he wore hockey pads. Why is Jesus wearing hockey pads?"

My friend glanced at me in disgust and pointed out that the "artist" was an elementary student, who couldn’t possibly have thoughts like this; that only my 27-year-old mind would come up with something that demented. Usually true, but this time not. This piece was clearly inspired work, by a child who didn’t realize that hockey wasn’t really a thing back then.

I have no problem believing that children can be that demented. I was one once.

 
 
Sorry, no photo. I thought of asking my friend to take one but figured that he’d boot me out once he realized I wanted it for internet purposes. I may try to sneak one next week.


Leave a Comment