I met Epsticle Du (pronounced DOO) on a balmy fall morning.
He had a big nose. It was massive. Hypnotic. He
made eye contact with me, I made eye contact with his nose. It
was like having a pair of perky sorority breasts on his aging, yet
peaceful face. Is his big nose relevant? I highly doubt
it. Other than the power that be, his giant nose, he appeared
to be an ordinary gentleman.
Epsticle lived by himself. He lived on a small plot of
land in a small house in a small, quiet neighborhood. He had
honored his parents' wishes and had buried both of them under the
old oak tree which stood outside of his bedroom window. Each
night his father would sit on the back porch and listen to the wind
rustle the oak tree's leaves. Each and every night Epsticle's
father's musical leaves would be drowned out by the popping of
popcorn. Epsticle's mother loved the sound of the kernals
ring-ting-tinging around in the pot which had just enough canola oil
in it to make a mother hamster shout "My heavens!" This
usually led to a confronatation. These nightly, and mighty,
confrontations ultimately led to the demise of the aging Du
couple. As a side note, youger Du didn't witness the
experience for he was too busy masturbating.
Well, each and every night Epsticle would take a few moments to
listen to nature's music, just like his father. This natural
music would put Epsticle into a Zen-like meditative state. It
allowed him to focus on the task at hand. And, each
night, he would tackle the same task. Night after night, month
after month, year after year. He would whisper to himself, in
the peaceful "I'm a peacuful warrior" tone, "Bring it on." He
would always complete his meditation with a smile to balance
everything out. He feared being too aggressive. He
feared being too timid. So, he would just smile and hope for
the best. After the smile disappeared he would do one hundred
squat thrusts. "I want to work my mind and body. i just
want to make sure that my body still is." is what he once
shared with me.
After this, he would tackle his task. He'd take the
hand-off, lower his not-so-intimidating shoulder and attempt to run
over the linebacker... not very Zen-like, but "what the hey."
So, at dusk, off to work he would go. He'd open the screen
door and hang a left after the kitchen counter, take ten paces down
the hallway, turn left, enter the bathroom and then spank the
monkey. Some things never change.
We want to hear what you think of our
advertisers. For Information about our advertising policies and rates
or to offer feedback about one of our sponsors, please visit our Sponsorship
Page