Dear literate reader, please consider the following events ...

     On the 5th of March, 2001, Tibor D'jaja, emperor by divine right of
Tumeili, one of the tiny South Pacific island countries visited Kim Dae Jung
at the Blue House in Seoul. It was the first diplomatic meeting between
Tumeili and the Repulic of South Korea.  It was a relaxed and low key
meeting, covered only by the major international wire services.   It was
reported that on the agenda for discussion were issues concerning some
possible shipping contracts with the Tumeili National Freighter Lines,
importation of large quantities of Quintryptillion, a chemical
occuring naturally only on the shores of Tumeili and which has
revolutionized the field of low viscosity thermal lubricants,
and property/contract negotiations between Kim Dae Jung and the chief
executive of Tumeili's government owned National Residential Contractor's
Association for a summer home which Kim D.J. wants to build on Tumeili's
temperate southern coast.

     After the two days of negotiations ended, the wire services made short
mention of the meeting.  Rooter's Seoul correspondant, Sergio Malogna
reported that the talks ended on a very good note with Kim D.J. and Emperor
D'jaja and his executive staff entourage parting only after the Tumeili
secret service mentioned reminded them that the Emperor had to attend
equally important talks in Malaysia the next day and in Burundi by the end
of the week.  It was also reported that the two became fast friends, sharing
an uncharacteristic and staggering of soju over table-hibatchi-cooked  beef,
chicken, duck, pork and dog Gkalbi in the Blue House banquet hall. Included
in the Rooter's wire report was this snippet of a conversation between Kim
Dae Jung and D'jaja and their translators:

     Kim D.J. :    "I'll be happy to spend some time relaxing once the house
in Pizznawatta (the largest city on the southern coast of Tumeili) is
finished.".

     D'jaja:  "Yes my friend, your new compound shall be truly glorious.
But now that you are my honorary son, it is Tumeili custom that you and your
family shall spend some time at the palace in Gwatajamama (Tumeili's
central, capital city).  I would like for you to join me in my beloved
pastime of black powder rifle fishing, it is truly the sport of gods.".

    Kim D.J.:  "Tibor, that would be a fantastic way for my wife and myself
to relax next summer.   Which do you like more, the C-1 or the Cherry Remix
Soju?".

     D'jaja: " Yes, I definitly prefer the Cherry Remix, I've always loved
fruit flavored beverages. Say, would you please pass the bonedeggi?".

     Kim D.J.: "Yes, we knew from your dossier that you were a fan of fruit
flavored beverages, while I myself prefere traditional soju.  Sometimes life
as the president becomes so stressful, and I give some of the simpler
pleasures such as plain soju and morning walks in the garden credit for
allowing me to retain my focus and peace of mind.".

     D'jaja: "Tell me about it, being the leader is like putting up a sign
which reads 'Please Shit On Me'.  Everyone wants to be the 'one' who makes
that little comment or does that little which which puts the boss in his or
her place.  I don't know what they're thinking when they do that shit, it's
simply maddening!".

     Kim D.J.: "Ha ha, 'please shit on me!'.  I hope you will accept my
compliment when I tell you that you are a truly funny divine emperor Tibor.
Yes, I recognized a long time ago that fate or life or whatever you call it
deals out  roles to newborn babies as if they were actors recieving a script
to memorize. What some fail to realize is that God is a lousy writer. ".

     D'jaja:  " Ha ha ha! Thank you Dae Jung, my wife tells me that often as
well. Ha Ha".

     Kim D.J. " Ha ha ha!  Pak Sueng Ju, where is my quick-cam?  Let's take
some pictures.".
    D'jaja:  " Dae Jung, I would like to tell you a story my friend.  It's
about a chicken that used to run around the courtyard of the imperial
compound.  When my son was very young, maybe two or three years old, he
would often play with the chicken.  We thought that he was merely fascinated
by the animal because of it's humorous nature.  But later we found out that
he'd secretly been inserting pepples and coins into the chicken's rectum in
order to make it run around, squawking in a frantic state.  I didn't
discover this myself.  Strangely enough, the chicken's unfortunate
circumstance was discovered by a group of visitors at the Imperial Palace.
I remember it like it happened one hour ago.  I remember Alfred Timmons, he
was a doctor of sociology from Toronto.  Then there was Fleur Dubois, a
French adventurer and clothing magnate,  Bruce Jenner, the American Olympic
athelete, British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, the retired Mexican
wrestler and popular film star Santos, and my gardener, G'malliwa, a
recovered drug addict who'd I'd taken from the streets and rehabilitated
some years prior, and who was guiding this group through the courtyard,
towards the Imperial gardens for a tour.".

Kim D.J.:  "Tibor, however did you assemble such a strange and mismatched
party of guests at the Imperial palace?  It's almost too strange to
believe.".

D'jaja: "  Yes, Dae Jung, I know it's difficut to accept, but it's the
truth.  All I can say is that they were all friends I'd made over the years,
and Tumeili and the Imperial Palace  are  so beautiful that even the most
powerful leaders must often schedule their visits concurrently so as to all
of my close personal friends around the world the distinct pleasure of
attending my court.".

Kim D.J.:  " Yes, I see.  So now, about the poor chicken.".

D'jaja:  " Ah yes, my son's unfortunate plaything, the Chicken.   Well,
there they were, my distinguished guests and my gardener.  They were slowly
strolling through the Imperial courtyard, when they spot this chicken.
Santos starts laughing at the nearly epileptic state in which the chicken is
running around, falling and rolling around in the dirt.  Thatcher, Bruce
Jenner and my Gardener were laughing too.  Then all of a sudden, Fleur
Dubois grabs the chicken by it's neck and sticks his thumb and index finger
up it's ass and pulls out five Tumeilian coins and two large stones. Then he
announces to the group in a frenchy sort of English, ' My God,
this chicken's ass is full of  foriegn objects. ".

Kim D.J.:  " Wow!".

D'jaja: Yeah, it was crazy.  I was watching the whole thing on my
surviellance camera and listening through the secret service microphones we
have set up throughout the courtyard.  Everybody in the control room was
laughing really hard.".

Kim D.J.: "Uh huh. And then what happened".

D'jaja:   "Well, everyone just laughed a lot.  I don't remember anything
else eventful happening at the moment.  We figured out that it was the work
of my son, which he sheepishly admitted after an ice cream interrogation.
Well all had great laughs over dinner.  But, a few months later, I was
shocked, and a little embarrassed to see an article printed in National
Geographic entitled ' Observing the Tumielian Chicken-Rectal Divination
Oracular Ritual', and it was written by Alfred Timmons.  I won't go through
the whole thing, but he made it sound like every Tumeilian was a chicken
buggering butt freak.  We were really embarrassed, and I will say that he
never visited our beautiful island again.  We also caught Thatcher, Jenner
and my Gardener snorting coke in the palace's cold-storage room.  But the
Imperial palace is no stranger to wild parties.".

Kim D.J.:  " Ha ha ha.  Would you please pass the crackers?".