Adventures in Clubbing The Great Pusan
"Slut Hunt"
by Wannabe_baramdungi
The following contains
vulgar language, and vulgar things, and is just plain vulgar. I am
afterall, a pretty vulgar guy myself (sure). What a stupid word huh?
Vul-gar... sounds like some kind of foreign car or something. "1998
Vul Gar for sale... fully loaded, less than 20,000 miles, $6000 or
best offer". Further this is meant as creative writing and does not
necessarily reflect my true opinions (I say this so I can get away
with saying whatever the **** I want, kewl huh? Isn't freedom of
speech grand?) Anyway, here goes...if you don't like Vul Gar's or
vulgar stuff, click the back icon now because I am not going to be
responsible for my creative mind (*laugh*) offending you and your
thin-skinned sentiments. Sorry, but tact be damned, some things are
just too funny not to bring to light.
So... I suppose that since I have
more or less given birth to the new NightLife section,
(and thank you very much "Dion", "HomerS", "Kate", and "Ju") Jeff
has asked me to write some kind of creative writing thing. I enjoyed
reading many of the writings there, all of them were great and I
particularly liked "The Straight Dope", "Jimmer", and "The Ugly American." I don't know if I am much of a writer or
comedian, but what the heck... here goes... By the way... if you
don't like the club reviews, write your
own F*****G reviews.
*smile* Have a nice day.
Adventures in
Clubbing The Great Pusan "Slut
Hunt"
Unless I run across the sweetest, most perfect
Korean woman, who- speaks English like a native, is well-educated,
funny, fun to hang out with, likes techno, likes the beach, will
make a good wife and mom, and is the most gorgeous things on earth
(and at LEAST C cups)... I sincerely doubt that I am going to commit
the club going, hookup party scene suicide of marriage by marrying a
Korean. I just don't know if could put up with all the things that
must be overcome to make a marriage like that work, and if she isn't
perfect I am not willing to try. Then again, I guess that would go
the same for any marriage, that is, if she isn't perfect and you
aren't willing to try... don't do it. So... I am fairly
certain I am not getting involved seriously with anyone I date while
I am here. I am also fairly certain that Ms. Right doesn't hang out
at the Dallas Club or the Hollywood Star. Lastly, I am fairly
certain that Ms. Right probably has a lot more Mr. Right's that
she's more interested in. So, because of these things, I prefer to
indulge myself during my time in Pusan by engaging in one of my
favorite sports- "slut hunting."
You won't be able to catch "slut hunting" on ESPN,
KBS, or Star Sports. But if you go down to Somyon, T-Street, or the
Dallas or any given weekend, you can catch one of the world's
favorite sports live and in action.
One of my friends once said, (and I agreed
with him in a big way) "When I first got here, I thought
I was some big player. I was meeting and going home with all these
girls and stuff, then later it occurred to me, these girls that I
hang out with are bigger players than me." He was referring to the
Korean girls that typically hang out where expats hang out because
they are looking to hook up with an expat. From this way-guk's point
of view seems like there are 4 kinds of Korean women that float into
the underworld subculture of us foreigners, and are extremely
significant players in "slut hunting." So, in order from least
respectable to most respectable, this is wannabe_baramdungi's *drum
roll*...
"Key Players in Slut Hunting"
1) Drinky girls (Juicey girls / hostesses /
bitches)- Now, pay attention genius... you know who you
are! It is their JOB to be players and naturally they become some of
the biggest and best liars on earth. I had the displeasure of being
stupid enough twice to actually "date" two of these creatures. One
of them was one of the most evil human beings I ever met in my life,
almost certainly the "devil's concubine." YES, I AM bitter. It is
funny how you kind of throw rational thought by the wayside when you
are getting excellent blowjobs free of charge. I SUPPOSE there are a
few (very few) exceptions... but trust me, you aren't dating any of
them.
2) Prostitutes (whores / glass house girls)- I kind of
feel bad for these miserable things, who knows what the hell
happened in their life to get them there. They run these poor things
through an assembly line of sucking and fucking on a nightly basis.
It's fucking pathetic actually... I imagine they get some twisted
little joy out of life by watching soap operas in their little glass
cage between sessions. However, at least they sell an honest product
and they are not going to tell you that you have to pay 10,000 won
for a small glass of orange juice. Not that I endorse this sort of
behavior though.
3) The GI's Girls (foreigner's chiqs / sluts / players /
your buddy's ex-GF / your ex-GF)- Yah you know what I am talking
about. I was talking about them earlier... they flock to the "Soul
Trane", "Hollywood Star", and the "Dallas" every weekend. A few of
these girls have probably banged entire platoons of American
soldiers, and fucked the entire staff of some local university's
English department. It's sometimes actually comical, especially if
you ever get into a situation where you find out you and a friend of
yours both banged the same girl recently and she's telling both of
you that she loves you so much. Just arrange a date with her and
bring your friend... enjoy the chaos that ensues... drink plenty of
beer, you'll thank me later. Anyway- I better stop now... I am
probably gonna get cursed out sometime in the near future when
everyone starts figuring out who I am in real life... I know quite a
few of you already know. Regardless, if and when I get cursed out by
some vicious, drunk Korean girl that falls into this category
(wouldn't be the first time) I'll just say something along the lines
of, "come on... of course I wasn't talking about you." Since she has
an over-active ego and a knack for justifying anything she does even
though it's entirely fucked up or downright stupid, she will no
doubt believe me.
4) Real Korean girls (normal people / girls that will
usually flat out ignore you unless you get introduced through
friends)- You usually have to know someone and get them to introduce
you to this type of girl. Generally, it's not always easy for a
foreigner to meet a real Korean girl. They are often times ashamed
of their English, their family will often not approve, and it's
probably going to be a while before she jumps in the sack with you.
Granted this is something of a generalization... and of course there
are exceptions. Regardless, if you are fortunate enough to get a
Real Korean girl... treat her good and hang on to her, you are a
lucky guy.
So, there you have the key players in "slut hunting" on
the Korean female side. We don't have to bother with the expat male
side, because we all know who we are. Whether we are a bunch of GI's
out for some fun, or some English teacher looking for some action,
when out "slut hunting" most of us act exactly the same.
Rules
All right... now for rules. There really aren't many rules
to speak of so much... more of kind of common sense guidelines. Like
for example, it would be kind of dumb to like try and score with the
friend of the girl you've been sleeping with for the past few weeks.
Oh, wait... sorry I forgot... unless we are talking about #4, that's
fine too. I guess the only rules really are make sure that you don't
spill your drink, dance like a fool, say to the girl you are trying
to score with, "Hey didn't you sleep with some of my friends?"
(Hahaha sorry man, I couldn't resist!), or otherwise do something so
incredibly and outlandishly stupid that you just deserve to get
smacked.
So... what is "slut hunting" exactly? Well,
basically... you go to a nightclub, bring your wallet, keys,
condoms, cigarettes, cash, and cell phone. Then, you wander around
looking for a girl that you think will be an easy lay. She shouldn't
be hard to find. She will be the one that speaks English well, is
hugging every other expat in the place, and keeps glancing in your
general direction and smiling. So, once you spot her... approach her
and try to start some kind of conversation. It doesn't really matter
what you say because if she likes you, you could probably go up to
her in the middle of summer and be like... "Damn, I am so sick and
tired of this snow! Do you want to have sex?" and she would be like,
"OK sure, lets go." If she doesn't say that then either 1) she's not
a slut and you are not playing a good game of "slut hunting", keep
trying. 2) She's not ready yet. 3) She doesn't like you. Regardless,
move on.
So... now you found a qualifying "slut" and the
conversation is moving along nicely. Good for you! Keep up the
excellent work, play your cards right and you won't be alone that
night. Make sure you wrap it up and no regrets it the morning!!
It can get boring...
It's actually very strange how easy it is to get
laid here. Yes, yes, yes... I know, I know, "most Korean girl are
never like that! Korean girl are normal girl! Not slut and bad
girl!" However, seems there are enough sluts in Pusan to keep all
the "slut hunters" happy. I have had this conversation with my
friend before... it almost becomes a role - reversal over here. By
this I mean... usually back home, its kind of expected for the guy
to make the first move, pay for dinner, etc etc. Now I know this is
the 21st century and all... but lets admit there still is a
difference between the sexes. Women can usually be pickier than men
can, because, let's face it... guys seem to have a more overactive
sex drive. I think its some psychological thing, like men don't have
a problem penetrating damn near anything, but women seem to usually
want to make sure they got some halfway decent guy before they let
themselves get penetrated. Usually, a guy has to work at getting
laid, a women could get some by just go into a bar wearing a T-shirt
that reads, "I want someone to sleep with me, first man to talk to
me wins." Anyway, back to what I was saying...
Over here, there are so many little
playgirls that are so interested in foreigners you barely have to
try. Often times, they make the first move, I have had girls take me
out and buy me dinner. I can afford to be picky, and there have even
been days that I have said to myself (no shit)... "Hmmm I could call
Sum-Young Ho and get some action tonight... but I am bored and tired
and I just wanna watch TV, and maybe surf the web." My buddy and I
were also talking about how I have gotten to the state that I
usually don't even go on dates anymore (he's been that way for some
time). Both of us just go out "slut hunting" and even if we get a
phone number we usually don't call unless she is spectacular. This
is because if she doesn't go home with us that night, we are wasting
are time because we can find someone that will (at least we hope,
heh). I don't consider myself a bad looking guy... I think I am
classified as "kinda cute" at the most. I am not a big guy, and not
really much more than just "cute", if that. I had a good time back
home and there were a number of girls that had been in my life
before coming to Korea... but since being here, Good Lord... this
place is insane. Some of my all time greatest successes include an
airline stewards, numerous bartenders (not the #1 variety from
above, real bars), and quite recently a supposed porn star. I hope I
don't sound like I am bragging, I'm not really, because I already
know that this kind of thing is totally common and I am not the only
expat that has found this out.
Anyway- this all has become kind of ridiculous over
time, and I think I am going to take a break from clubbing just for
tonight, I made a date with a girl that seems fairly nice, so I am
going to do that tonight. Oh... who the hell am I kidding, I am
going to get liquored up with her... bring her out partying at all
my favorite hangouts and then try and pull my same old dirty tricks.
See you guys at the NBINB, actually they are calling it the "Ibiza"
now, they got some party tonight. It will probably suck; it's too
bad that place never draws a crowd. If and when "Ibiza" starts
sucking, I'll be at the "Star."
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT THINK ALL KOREAN GIRLS ARE SLUTS. I
hope I don't have to reiterate this again.
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