Fooled by Fool's Gold
June 26, 2003
by Maurice Lineman

 

Headline News -- Gold in the Hermit Kingdom
June 25, 2003
Seoul, South Korea
AP. UP. Rueters Int. --- This morning a presidential source revealed that a secret geological survey of the substrate beneath the presidential "blue" house had found gold bearing ore.

The source revealed that the substrate assayed at 36oz./ton for gold, 22oz./ton for zinc, 15oz./ton of nickel, and 15 oz./ton of copper. The assay weight for the gold alone makes it one of the richest finds in recent history.

The study, performed in secrecy, was initiated partly based on historical documents, which were recently rediscovered in Korean history archives. The documents referred to the Kogoryo dynasty when someone apparently saw some gold particles on the sand beaches of the Han River. Originally believed to be erroneous the information was largely ignored until recently.

A Korean-Russian geologist lately returned from Moscow State University noticed the similarity between the geology of the region around the Blue house and other gold bearing areas around the world.

The report stressed the size of the ore body to be greater than eight million tons of combined ore, which at current values places the overall value of the ore body at between 600 and 800 trillion US dollars.

When called to confirm this information, the presidential press staff stated that the president knew of the find, but as of yet was undecided on how to deal with its recovery. They went on to say that President Noh was talking with all of his staffs to ascertain what to do next.

This discovery would bring huge capital to both Korea and Seoul in particular. The large value of the discovery bodes well for the future economic prosperity of the country.

The next step, while it is up to the presidents' decision, would invariably cause problems with respects to the property where the presidential residency was located.


Headline News -- Korean GOLD Find
June 30, 2003
Seoul, South Korea
UP., AP., Rueters Int. President Noh today in answering questions about the recent gold find on the Presidential property earlier this week disclosed that, "the value of the ore body is so great that not to mine it would be imbecilic.

He announced, in a widely covered news statement, that the ore body would be mined and that his staff was taking tenders and proposals on the mining project.

While estimates of the ore body, originally given at values of between 600 and 800 trillion US dollars, continues to change, the president said that the total value could not be determined until an accurate assessment project had been carried out and concluded. These processes were currently being screened for the possibility of potential threats to the presidents' life.

The president also stated that the assessment project had been awarded to the Hyundai group, which has currently been exposed to negative publicity because of actions of the previous president, Kim, Dae Jung's "Sunshine Policy Politics" scandal.

The Hyundai groups' president was not immediately available for comment; however, the promotions division did state that the Hyundai group was overjoyed at being awarded the project.

The assessment project award brings some ready cash into the corporate giant, which has of late been suffering negative results in the Korean stock exchange (KOSCO). The result of which was a positive jump in the value of their stock, up 20 and ¼ points from yesterday and currently trading at 80000Won per issue.

The president, when asked about his choice, stated that the company provided the best proposal. However, he declined to establish that value of the project bid, which once again created issue with the transparency of business in South Korea.

On a corresponding note, the president did say that the mining project would be open to international bids since no Korean company held the skills required to develop the ore body, and he really did not want to have his tea spilled while they were drilling and blasting under his house.

July 5, 2003
Headline News - Sherritt Mining to Receive Gold Mine Development Project

UP., AP., Rueters Int. - President Noh, in an effort to fast track the gold development beneath the "blue" house announced today that Sherritt Mining of Canada would receive the project to mine the ore body. He said that Sherritt Mining would form a partnership with Hyundai to define, assess, develop, and mine the ore body. The partnership would be fifty-fifty and would give the Koreans the ability to develop future deposits like the current deposit.

When asked why he chose Sherritt, the president replied that the company, after being researched showed that they had the greatest skills when it came to this area of mining.

Sherritt mining officials when asked to comment said they were happy to have received the project approval. When questioned regarding the implementation of the project proposal stated that the largest part of the technical skills would come from their geological staff, while the majority of the labor force would be composed of Koreans. When asked how communication between the two groups would be facilitated, Sherritt officials stated that they were going to hire expatriate English teachers to school the laborers in English. Should further problems arise they would employ 25 full time interpreters.

Asked how they would deal with ore removal, the officials replied they would use the nearby sewer system as away to ground image the ore body, then use drift, and raise techniques to access the ore body.

Headline News
Fooled by Fool's Gold
September 30 2003
UP., AP., Rueters Int. - Sherritt Mining officials finally having received the results from the test drill holes on the ore body beneath the presidential "blue" house announced today that the find was a hoax. Officials said that the drill hole core assays showed that there was absolutely no value to the ore.

Off the record, one official was heard to have said this was the biggest cock up in history, and that the geologist who found it should go back to University and study basket weaving since he could not tell gold ore from Fools Gold.

The original geologist who assessed the ore body was unavailable for comment.

June 26, 2003 Maurice Lineman

 


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