“It’s fast and easy. Well, easy for most people,
but I will walk you through it step by step.
“First, boil some water. Yep, you gotta use the stove for
that. Use the teakettle; it’s safer for you. No thanks.
I don’t want any tea.
“How much water? Well, just pretend you are making two cups
of tea. Whoa! You don’t need teacups… you’re just
pretending. Oh, never mind. Just put the kettle on the
stove.
“Ok, while the water is heating up, get out the cup ramyon.
No, CUP ramyon… that’s regular ramyon. CUP ramyon comes
packaged in a plastic CUP, hence the name CUP ramyon.
“Yes, that is plastic but it’s not a cup is it?
Really? You really think you can pour boiling water into
that? You wanna eat this one? All right, we can adapt
but now you’re gonna need a bowl.
“No, that’s a cup, it’s too small! A bowl is round and
low. Nope, close, but that’s a plate. There you
go. It’s dirty? That’s okay, ramyon kills germs.
USE IT ANYWAY!
“This sucks. No, I didn’t say anything.
“Next, open the ramyon. Oh, for the love of kimchi, I’ll do
it. Oh, you usually use a big knife to open things?
That’s so nice. No, I don’t want to see it. Thanks
anyway.
“Remove the two little packets and put them aside. No,
don’t throw them away. We need them later. Yeah, just
put them next to the bowl.
“How’s the water coming along? Don’t touch it!
What? It’s still cold? Let me see. Oh.
My. Dear. Sweet. Jesus. Umm, it usually
works better if you turn on the gas. There you go.
“While we are waiting, find some chopsticks. You must know
what those are. We are in Korea, after all. Oh, you
don’t know how to use them. Just use a fork.
“I can’t bear this! Just take the one out of the
sink.
“I already told you, ramyon kills all germs. You don’t know
how to make ramyon and you’re going to argue with me about the
germ-killing powers of ramyon?
“We still have a little time so why don’t you tell me about
yourself. Oh, I see. No way! Wow.
Fascinating. You don’t say. Um. Huh.
“How’s the water? Wait! Don’t touch it! Yes,
that’s right. When the stove is on, things around it get
hot. Well, you still have another hand, don’t you?
You’re a real trouper. Turn off the gas.
“Put the ramyon in the bowl. Pour the water into the
bowl. Yes, same bowl.
“Give me the two little packets. No, that’s ok. I’ll
open them. Please put down the knife. Phew,
thanks. Now, pour the contents of the packets into the
ramyon. Stir. Mix. Combine. Hold the fork in
the ramyon and swish it around. Yes, it is fun isn’t it?
“Ok, you can stop now. You’re making a mess.
Stop. Good.
“Wait! Don’t do that! Remember, it’s hot. You
should wait a couple minutes before you eat. Count to
100. Ok then, count to 10, 10 times.
“Time to eat. I’m outta here!”
Next week: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Taking a Nap
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