I apologize beforehand for the title
which appears to be so blatantly
paradoxical in nature. You question the validity
of its truth, but ah, I
have tickled your interest. A trick, a hook, a con,
a pull, whatever you
call it, it is done. Please read on! This is my
treatise on personal
relationships formulated on, as we all agree and
know, is the most logical
and correct school of philosophical thought, inductive
reasoning. If I may
be so bold, I would like to call it a guide for
contrived opposite sex
happiness. Is happiness between sexes possible?
I believe so. The subject is
not intended to offend, and my hope is that truths
may be garnered or at
least recognized as such. I have tried to be as
subjective as possible in
order to reach the broadest reading base. This treatise
based on my
subjectivism is by nature meta-morphological and
will surely change as the
Sun revolves around the earth. Hear are some guidelines
I stumbled into
while chasing a stray sheep of a thought into a
black and dead cave in my
mind.
Note: I have also factored in, for
you loyal students of the deductive
faction, the tales and experiences I and have seen,
heard, asked, been told
by others, inducing me to say 'voila'.
I humbly present, in the tradition
of Pweb's top ten lists
Ten Commandments for Women 1. Stay beautiful. There is nothing worse
than losing your wonderful figure
for a few cheap hamburgers, pig's blood sausage,
pizza, steak, fish balls,
rice cake, etc. 2. Learn how to be a woman. This entails
dressing like one, as well as
acting like one. A womanly woman makes a man feel
like a manly man. 3. Take cooking classes. A way to a man's
heart is truly through his
stomach. See the smile spread as he walks into the
door from a hard day's
work and sees a spread fit for a king on the in
front of the television,
living room, minuscule, dwarfish table with three
quarters of the legs cut
off. It's like stepping back into a sixties, seventies,
and maybe early
eighties drama. This will be highly inducive to
at least bi-weekly, and
additional weekend dinners out. Excluding hang-over
morning spreads from the
local kitchen/restaurant. 4. Be a drama queen. Every now and then show
signs of jealously. Show that
you do really care. Throw fits when deemed appropriate.
The roller coaster ride
which is called a relationship. 5. The art of crying. Practice the ability
to have tears welling in eyes on
command. Most men are suckers for tears. 6. Be an angel, but also devilishly cute.
Show signs of weakness to usher
forth the masculine desires of man. Every man wants
to be a knight. Eighties
adolescent. Peter Cetera and the Karate Kid. "I
am a man who will fight for
your honor....." 7. Obey the man's commands. Only when man
feels threatened does he become
difficult. Thus for certain things, listen, no matter
how foolish. Tell him
how smart and intelligent he is on all subject matters
concerning anything
and everything, when in fact, you are quite his
peer intellectually, if not
on a higher plane. A little ooo's and ahhhh's are
easy to do through his
ranting and raving, when in fact, in your own brain,
you're thinking of a
proof and refutation of Hawking's mathematical equation
of God while
factoring in sociological-cultural-economical-historical-political-demographical-
geological- climatological-ecological-anthropological-meterological-educational
influences, and not excluding but factoring in secretions
and functions of the
different lobes of the brain. Nod every
now and then, and go "Um hmm!"
Tell the man how wonderful he looks and how
majestic he is. Men enjoy ego
stroking too, no matter how ludicrous. Ego stroking
ergo happy man. Exaggeration
is a good opportunity to pull the wool over a bahh
bahh bahh sheep's eyes. Everything
bigger is better. Look at that Tico. It's soooo
big! Nah baby! It's a Cadillac. 8. Be innocent of all extracurricular activities.
What you don't know will
slide right off of you. Besides, this leaves time
for some of your own
extracurricular activities. 9. Sex! Sex! Sex! In all its shapes and forms,
however bent. 10. Fellatio on command. The hardest addiction
to break since cigarettes.
Ten Commandments for Men 1. Always have ten thousand note stuffed
wallet on hand. Entails earning a
decent salary. Work alone and play together. 2. Have own pad. Notice the gradual move-in?
Toothbrush here, bag of
cosmetics there. All of a sudden its turned into
an two ninety liter
immigration bags in the spare bedroom of the apartment
furnished by your
institute, ministry, company, corporation, labor
authority, etc. Interior
decor takes a womanly turn. Kind of like home. 3. Owning vehicle is a definite bonus! If
not, taxis for daily use, and
rentals for weekend jaunts. Of course, this entails
owning a wallet. 4. Actors always do well. Jump into the role
of marital, responsible, happy,
free love living. Think of it as a 101 course on
how married life will be in
the future. 5. Ask about family and friends. Inquire
into family affairs, and if
possible spend some good in-law-like time together
with her siblings. 6. Listen with compassionate ear and expression
on how really desperate and
despondent her life is. Get really angry when you
hear some of the crazy
shit she has borne and suffered. Suffer her burdens
to be unburdened onto
you. 7. Gifts, unexpected or expected. Can be
trinkets brought from vendors on
the street to designer clothes from over-priced
corporate department stores,
depending on the size and thickness of your wallet.
A way to a woman's heart
on those cold nights. As Moses struck the Dead Sea
with his staff, the path
for your staff, for what you may have thought lifeless,
may soon be parted. 8. Show her a good time. Introduce her to
friends who she thinks are neat
and cool. Hang out, dance, party. 9. Be a good listener. Not about everyday
life, but about orgasmic things.
Ask and learn, young Skywalker. Your saber, whether
it be blue, red, orange, green,
yellow, long, short, thin, thick, can do wonders
with only a little coaching. It's not
the size that counts, it's the motion... Anyways,
a little Q&A never hurt anyone,
except maybe your ego when her fantasies are exponentially
more bent.
Objectively, were they? Subjectively definitely.
Why can't women have nasty fantasies? 10. Don't ask questions. When she gets on
top to get off for the first time
since you met her, this being a long later, don't
ask her where she learned
to do THAT! You can't handle the truth.
We want to hear what you think of our advertisers.
For Information about our advertising policies and rates or to offer
feedback about one of our sponsors, please visit our Sponsorship
Page